


The Continued Adventures of Llamas With Hats

by Backbiter222



Category: Llamas with Hats (Web Series)
Genre: Airplane, Animals, Basilisk - Freeform, Birthday, Children, Chipotle, Cinderblock - Freeform, Conforms with set universe, Cooking, Crack (i guess?), Dark Humor, Death, FilmCow, Fire, Forgiveness, Funny, Gen, Hands, Hat, Hide and Seek, Insults, Llamas, Mild Gore, Murder, No Sexual Content, Orphans, Piano, Rabbits, Swans, Triweekly, Web Series, forest, game, llama, maintenance, park
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-03-08 08:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18891169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Backbiter222/pseuds/Backbiter222
Summary: Llamas With Hats is a fantastic animated web show by FilmCow and if you haven't watched it, I recommend you do so immediately. This story is both a prequel and continued adventure story for the web show. I am writing other minisodes that take place before, during, or after the web show for my own enjoyment, as well as yours. So please sit back and enjoy the sociopathic llama s**t show.





	1. Llamas With Hats, Episode 3.5

**Author's Note:**

> This is episode 3.5, taking place after Carl and Paul return home from toppling a South American government. If you have any suggestions for adventures you would like to see the duo have, or any lines of dialogue you would like to see added, comment and I'll try to add it and give you a shout out. Thanks.

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 3.5_ **

 

_The scene opens to show a dimly lit room, maybe in a cellar. The floor is red, the walls brown. There are several bodies laying on the ground, each one missing both hands. Three are missing their feet. Standing over them is a white llama with a green hat nestled on top of his head._

 

“Caaaaaaarrrrrrlllll!” screams a voice from the stairs, “Where are you?”

 

“Down here, Paul!” the white llama, Carl, responds.

 

“Carl! What did you do?” Paul exclaims as he enters the cellar, visibly shaken by the sight greeting him.

 

“I, uh, made dinner.”

 

“With what, Carl?” _Paul puts a sharp emphasis on Carl’s name, and you can see Carl flinch as he starts to answer._

 

“Beef. It was a lovely braised beef minestrone, a recipe fresh from my grandmother’s cookb-”

 

“No, Carl!” Paul yells, shaking his head, his flowered hat bouncing, “Tell me the truth.”

 

“Well it may have been lamb,...”

 

“No, Carl.”

 

“Sushi.”

 

“Sushi isn’t cooked, Carl.”

 

“Fine, fine, I found all these people and cut off their hands and made a hand stew.”

 

A moment of silence passes while Paul stares at Carl with a look of disbelief and horror, before yelling, “Caaaaaaarrrrrrrrlllllll!”

 

“What? I was hungry. Remember when I made hands earlier? They were so good I needed to share them with you.”

 

“Fine, Carl, but what happened to their feet?”

 

“Their feet?”

 

“Yes, Carl.” Paul looks down at the three bodies with ragged stumps for legs, fearing the worst. As Carl starts to speak, Paul begins to sigh.

 

“Well, I couldn’t find enough hands so I had to substitute.”

 

“Caaaaarrrrrllll!”

 

“Yes, it was very distressing. I don’t know if I will ever be the same again.”

 

_Paul turns to go, having had enough of Carl to last a year, let alone one night._

 

_Also to use the bathroom. The hand and foot stew wasn’t settling in too well._


	2. Llamas With Hats, Episode 0.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short minisode explaining how Carl came to possess a Basilisk that eats only Chipotle in his gore pit. This episode occurs before the series really starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading on guys! I've always wondered about the Basilisk Carl mentions in one of the later episodes, so I wrote a short script explaining how I think he would have gotten it. Filled with Llamas With Hats typical dark humor, I hope you all enjoy. Also, I plan to post a new minisode every day, so if you're enjoying these, stick around. Thanks!

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 0.5_ **

 

_ The scene opens to a dark forest with trees taller than most skyscrapers. The sun is obscured by the thick blankets of the treetops and the air is filled with the sounds of the forest. Small bugs and creatures crawl and swing around the dirt, avoiding a small clearing in almost the center of the forest.  _

 

_ Carl, with his green hat perched between with fluffy ears, stands in the center of this clearing, staring intently down at what looks to be a nest. Paul stands beside him, glancing around with fear bugging out of his eyes. _

 

“Carl, why are we here?” Paul whispers.

 

“Well, recently I’ve decided to take up carpentry and needed some wood for my chairs.”

 

“Caaaarrrrlll!”

 

“Sorry, I meant to say faces. Faces for my chairs. Is that any better?”

 

“No, Carl, it’s not!”

 

“Finnnnnnne. I’m here to find a basilisk to place in my gore pit so it can consume the bodies of those I kill and I can train it to become my personal familiar.”

 

Paul, forgetting his fear for a moment, looks at Carl with a look of pure confusion.

 

“A basilisk.”

 

“Yes. Why the condescending tone of surprise?”

 

“It’s just I’ve never seen you try something like this before. Normally it’s just destruction of city property and unwarranted murder.”

 

“I’m branching out, you know? Experiencing all there is to see.”

 

“Wait, Carl, why are there so many dead chickens on the ground?”

 

“Well, they got in my way. They had to be disposed of. Filthy birds, you know?”

 

_ With that, Carl nimbly places his hoof into the nest and flips out a large egg and catches it on his back. Almost immediately you can hear a loud roaring. _

 

“Well I think we should make a hasty retreat,” Carl announces slowly as he begins to back away, “I have no desire to be eaten today.”

 

“Caaaarrrrrrllllll!” Paul bleats in terror as he starts to back away, kicking a dead chicken out of the way, “Why do you do this to me?”

 

“I swear it’s not because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence or anything.”

 

_ The duo begins to run, pushing through the dark forest as fast as possible. Paul hits his head on several branches, each time exclaiming in pain.  _

 

“Why don’t you get a hat or something, like me?”

 

“Why don’t you, *huff huff*, train your basilisk, *huff*, to eat like only, *huff huff*, Chipotle or something?” Paul mumbles as he runs, “Then maybe it won’t try to eat us like this one!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any comments, suggestions, or thoughts, please tell me below. Thanks!


	3. Llamas With Hats, Episode 2.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking place right before episode 3, this minisode details a side adventure that occured while the dynamic duo, Carl and Paul, were on their was to South America for vacation. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait between chapters, but I'm back now with a new one. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 2.5_ **

 

“Caaaaarrrrrrlllllll! What did you do?”

 

“Me? I uh, didn’t do nothing,”  _ Carl stutters as he and Paul stand together in the ruins of an airplane, flaming wreckage scattered around them. Faintly, you can hear people screaming and crying as they try in vain to crawl from the crashed ruins.  _

 

“I watched you crash this plane!”

 

“No you didn’t,” Carl shoots back, “you watched the captain crash the plane.”

 

“Only because you stabbed him with a sword!”

 

“The airline didn’t have those delectable little packages of peanuts. I simply had to take a stand.”

 

“Caaaaaarrrrrrlllll! That’s no reason to kill someone and blow up their plane! Think of all the people you just murdered!”

 

_ Carl glances around and seems to just notice all the broken body parts and dying humans. His eyes light up and he turns back to Paul. _

 

“Woah! I hadn't even noticed that!”

 

“Caaarrrlll, we’re supposed to be heading to our vacation and you’ve already ruined it!” Paul hangs his head, and a single tear rolls down his cheek.

 

“Um… you might want to look up,” Carl says to Paul, “your hat is on fire.”

 

_ Paul jumps up and quickly extinguishes the flame, glaring at Carl the entire time. Suddenly, a large explosion causes the rest of the plane to disintegrate and the surrounding forest to catch fire. _

 

“Caaaaarrrrrllllll, look what you did!”

 

“Uh, what, um, huh? I didn’t do this. The plane did.”

 

“But who caused the plane to crash, Carl? Who?” Paul inquiries angrily, flipping his hat back onto his head. 

 

“I’m sorry, that was wrong of me. But at least all is forgiven!” Carl chirps happily, “Remember what I said about forgiveness? Screaming then silence.”

 

_ The two stand together in silence for a moment, staring at the flames and carnage scattered around. Paul sighs. _

 

“Just please don’t do anything else this vacation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or complaints, please tell me down bellow. Thank you and have a fantastic day!
> 
> I'm also not sure why there are two notes for this bit, the top end note should be on chapter one. Sorry 'bout that.


	4. Llamas With Hats, Episode 3.9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This episode takes place directly before Episode 4, the one with the nuke and the faces, containing a humorous exchange between Carl and Paul about cleaning and chores, before it takes a dark turn to a hide-and-seek game gone wrong. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that I would post a new chapter every day, and I apologize for not doing that. I want to amend that statement to say I will try to post a new chapter every day, and at least do three a week. Thank you for your understanding. Enjoy the episode!

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 3.9_ **

 

“Caaaaarrrrrlllll! Where are you?”

 

_ Paul is wandering around a house, a nicely furnished modern home with gray carpet and several nice paintings hanging on the walls. Carl is nowhere to be found, and Paul is growing increasingly worried. _

 

“Caaarrrlll! Come out! What are you doing? I asked you to wash the dishes and clean the carpet! You didn’t even vacuum!”

 

_ Paul continues to wander around the house calling for Carl. Eventually, he hears a rustling from the closet and moves closer to investigate.  _

 

“Carl! Are you in here?”

 

_ Paul pushes aside some sweaters and masks to reveal Carl hiding on the floor. _

 

“Caaaarrrrrlllll!”

 

“What?” Carl responds, annoyed, “I was busy.”

 

“Busy doing what, Carl?”

 

“Playing a wholesome game with all these delightful children. Also, must you always say my name like that?”

 

“What children? And how do I say your name, Carl?”

 

“So offended and annoyed.”

 

“I’m sorry, Carl, but you were skipping on all the chores. It’s Sunday after all, and that means cleaning.”

 

_ Carl starts to stand up, looking ashamed. _

 

“My deepest apologies, Paul, I will get to the cleaning right away.”

 

“Wait, Carl, what about the kids?”

 

“What kids?”

 

_ If Paul had opposable arms, he would have crossed them. The glare he gave Carl instead was more than sufficient, however.  _

 

“The kids you said you were playing hide-and-seek with.”

 

“Ohhhhhhhh those kids. Well, they must, uh, be really good at hiding.”

 

“No, Carl.”

 

“Well there was this Ice Cream truck, and I-”

 

“No, Carl.”

 

“Fine. While we were playing hide-and-seek I buried them all six feet under.”

 

_ Paul pauses and looks at Carl, his face frozen in a state of disbelief. _

 

“Caaaarrrrrllll!”

 

“It was the best way to hide! They’ll never be found now.”

 

“That’s sick. You’re sick! Why would you think this is okay? Why would you ever think any of this would be okay?”

 

“Probably cause they were being a disruptive influence on the quiet community here. Don’t worry, I’ll eventually dig them up and use them for my meat dragon.”

 

“But Carl, don’t you need orphan meat?”

 

“Anyone can be an orphan if you try hard enough.”

 

"Caaaarrrrllll!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and please comment down below with any thoughts, suggestions, comments, or complaints. Thanks!
> 
> Have a great day/night!


	5. Llamas With Hats, Episode 5.9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Paul are having a lovely walk in the park, until things start to go further south than Antarctica, thanks to Carl's antics. Never let sociopathic llamas around children's birthday parties...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the next tale in the thrilling saga of Llamas With Hats.

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 5.9_ **

 

“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Timmy! Happy birthday to you!” chants a crowd of children, with a few parents looking on.

 

_ Carl is standing with Paul, in front of the happy crowd. Paul is holding a balloon and Carl is scowling. _

 

“Must they be so happy in public?”

 

“Caaaaaarrrrrrrllllll it’s a birthday party! Be nice.”

 

“Birthdays just exist to tell you that you’re one year closer to death.”

 

_ Paul pauses and looks at Carl with a face of pure disbelief. _

 

“Caaarrrrlll! How could you say that?”

 

“With my words.”

 

_ Paul starts shaking his head. Clearly, Carl is too simple to grasp what he is saying. _

 

“Why can’t you take anything seriously, Carl? All I want is for you to be normal!”

 

“Why, ouch that hurts. Now you are in the wrong here, not me.”

 

_ Paul starts to get mad and looks at Carl, readying himself for the tongue lashing he’s about to dole out. _

 

“No, Carl! All you do is kill and hurt and maim! You never do anything good, nothin-”

 

“That is inaccurate,” Carl responds calmly, “I am an established leader in society, being the president of the homeowner's association. I am an aspiring artist and innovator, having crafted many pieces of functional modern art. I donated both my time and resources to multiple good causes, like donating money to the local girl scout troop, helping that resistance movement topple the government, baking banana bread for Pat, and I prevented those children from viewing inappropriate actions.”

 

_ Paul pauses, taking this all in. Suddenly, a huge crash and bang echo through the park. Paul turns around to see a huge cinderblock where the birthday party used to be.  _

 

“Caaaarrrrrrllll! What do you do?”

 

“Me? I, uh, this was not me. Not at all.”

 

“Then explain what happened, Carl!”

 

“Well, maybe the construction went wrong.”

 

“What construction, Carl?”

 

“Uh, God has declared these children unfit for living. So she threw a rock at them.”

 

“No, Carl!”

 

"It started to hail."

 

"Really?"

 

“Fine. I rigged a giant cinderblock to fall on that spot this morning and orchestrated a large chain of events, not entirely dissimilar to a Rube Goldberg machine, that led that party to stand under it when it would then fall. I now can move the cinder block to harvest the meat left behind to construct my meat penguin.”

 

_ Various police and medical sirens can be heard faintly in the background as Paul opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, searching for an answer appropriate to respond to this. _

 

“I can’t go anywhere with you anymore, Carl!” 

 

_ If Paul possessed hands, he would have thrown them up in frustration.  _

 

“Why would you do this? Why would you do any of this?

 

“What else are you supposed to do with a giant cinder block, Paul? It was taking up valuable space in our garage. You told me to do something with it.”

 

“Right, Carl, but I never thought you would try something like this!”

 

“Well that’s hardly my fault, is it? You should have been more specific.”

 

_ Carl turns and walks away, leaving Paul to stand with the giant cinderblock in the background. He turns torn after Carl, yelling all the while.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and as always, please comment down below with and thoughts, comments, suggestions, or complaints. Thanks and have a great day!
> 
> Also let me know if you would be interested in reading anything happening after Episode 8, when Paul is gone and only the mask remains. Thanks!


	6. Llamas With Hats, Episode 5.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a brutal string of murders, Carl sits in his basement and insults poor Paul repeatedly as he tried to confront the sociopathic Llama. After all, murder is art. And you don't apologize for art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for the user “Caaarrrlll!” for their support and idea for this project.
> 
> Thank you for the great idea and I hope you like the way the story turns out.

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 5.5_ **

  

“Caaaarrrrrlllll! What’s this?”

 

_Paul gestures towards the piles of bodies strewn across the room, angrily. There are maybe twenty-five, each one covered in blood and stacked together on the floor or around the room._

 

“Paul, I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain my plan to you. Just know that this is a masterpiece.”

“Caaaarrrrrrlllll that’s rude. Apologize at once!”

 

“No, I don't think I will. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I will not apologize for art.”

 

_Paul hangs his head in disgust, looking rather depressed. He shuffles around before looking up directly into Carl's eyes._

 

“Carl, this is not art. This is... this is… just sick. Just sick, Carl.”

 

_Paul turns to leave, but as he does, a desperate Carl calls out one last thing to make him stay._

 

“Fine. It was a surprise for your birthday.”

 

 _Paul, looking very surprised, responds,_ “It’s not even my birthday, Carl. Do you even know when my birthday is? There was that time with the nuke too, then that other time with the chickens, and then that incident with the ball drop. I’m starting to think you’re a very bad friend.”

 

“Well I’d agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.”

 

“Caaaarrrrlllll, where are all these terrible insults coming from?”

 

“My head. I guess I should stop though, it does go against my principle to engage in a battle of wits against an unarmed llama.”

 

 _Carl kicks a book titled:_ **_1,001 Insults to Amaze and Impress_ ** _behind him as he continues to speak to Paul._

 

“Okay, Carl,” _Paul retorts,_ “Your principles won't allow you to insult people, but they allow you to kill people? That doesn't make any sense.”

 

“What, these? Ha! These aren't people. These are obstacles. Well, were obstacles. Obstacles to my great success!”

 

“Um, Carl? Why are all their organs missing?”

 

_Carl, looking rather taken aback, blinks and takes a moment before responding._

 

“Ohhhhhh, that would be because of my rabbit. He's a real vicious one, he is.”

 

“Wait. You have a rabbit ... that eats … people?”

 

“Yes, I do. His name is Tom. And he only eats organs. He's picky”

 

_Paul shakes his head in disbelief._

 

“Only you, Carl, only you. So wait, why did you kill all these people?”

 

“Well, originally it was so I could launch a new line of jams and jellies.”

 

“No, it wasn't.”

 

“Ooh, you scoundrel! You know me too well.”

 

“That I do, Carl, that I do.”

 

“Well I actually was going to making a zoo exhibit with people but they prove to difficult for me to handle so I had to kill them.”

 

“Really?”

 

“No. I just wanted more meat for my meat dragon army.”

 

“Caaaarrrrrlllll!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and if you too wish to be featured, please drop a comment or suggestion (or complaint) and I'll try to put you in the next story. Thanks and have a great night!


	7. Llamas With Hats, Episode 8.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl drags in his friend, Jerry, to help reconnect him with Paul. The encounter is hilarious, messed up, and rather odd. I apologize for the lack of violence, but rest assured there is a little towards the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

**_Llamas With Hats, Episode 8.1_ **   
  


_ The scene opens to a dark brown llama with a bright yellow hard hat standing outside of an apartment door labeled 412. This was Paul’s apartment. _

 

_ The brown llama knocks on the door and waits for an answer. _

 

“Carl! Is that you? You know you’re not allowed near me anymore!”

 

“No, my name is Jerry,” _ the brown llama replies,  _ “I am here to discuss the renovations and repairs you requested.”

 

“Oh, come on in then,” _ Paul responds, opening the door. _

 

_ Jerry walks into the apartment and begins to look around. _

 

“So my washing machine recently started to leak and not work, do you think you can fix it, Jerry?”

 

“Sure, sure,” _ Jerry mumbles as he stares intently at the left wall of the unit,  _ “This should work.”

 

“What should work?”

 

“Well, I’m going to take out this wall here to combine this apartment unit with 411, the one next door. It’s owned by a lovely llama who wears a respectable green hat.”

 

_ With this, Jerry pulls out a large hammer and moves toward the wall. _

 

“Jeeerrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy! That wall is load bearing,”  _ Paul moans,  _ “You can’t break it!”

 

_ After stopping jerry, at least for the moment, Paul steps out into the hall and quickly matches over to room 411. _

 

“Caaaaarrrrrrrrllllllll! Come out, I know you’re in there!”

 

“Ah, you got me,”  _ Carl says as he opens the door,  _ “Did Jerry tell you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Goddammit Jerry,” _ Carl whispers vehemently. _

 

_ The three llamas gather in Paul’s apartment, Paul and Carl glaring at each other while Jerry looks on. _

 

“Carl, why would you try this? You can’t possibly have thought it would work!” _ Paul yells. _

 

“Well, it was my only option after the swan piano failed.”

 

_ At this point, Jerry starts to wander back towards the broken laundry unit. _

 

“Where are you going, Jerry?” _ Paul inquires. _

 

“Oh, to fix the leaky machine.”

 

“NO, JERRY!” _ Paul and Carl scream in unison. _

 

_ Jerry turns back and instead starts to walk over to the wall. While Carl and Paul are busy arguing, he starts to hit the wall with his hammer. _

 

“STOP IT, JERRY!”

 

_ Together, Paul and Carl kick Jerry out of the apartment, having to yell at him several more times while doing so. The entire Jerry removal process took over ten minutes. _

 

“Don’t you miss this, Paul?”

 

“Miss what, Carl?”

 

“Us. Working together, having fun, hanging out.”

 

“This isn’t fun, Carl. This is pain.”

 

“Now come on Paul, that’s not nice.”

 

“I don’t care, Carl. Now leave so the real maintenance man can get here.”

 

_ Carl stares sheepishly at the ground and shuffles his feet. _

 

“About that. I may or may not have killed him and stuffed him into a piano which will be arriving at any moment.”

 

_ *Que crashing piano sounds* _

 

“Caaaarrrrrllllll!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and please leave a kudos and a comment with your thoughts or suggestions if you enjoyed!  
> Have a great day/night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? Please shoot me a message or comment if you have any and thank you very much for reading.


End file.
